| boredom ages like a fine wine |
[Mar. 31st, 2006|12:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | cancelled sound | ] |
my legal team told me that it would be better to leave this place i once called home. this search that was once my life's quest. but that legal team hit the big time and looks at a small timer like me as a step backwards...
anyhow the search is back on. problem is, when last we met here, i was closer to the end then ever, in fact some may argue that i was already there, and maybe that was too much for me... i just dont know. So the beginning of this marathon run has begun again.
even with the door closed i can hear sirens.... all day long. mundane day after boring night, the offers are there. more so then before. and i decline. and i decline. at least the weather is nice. the duality of life can most be seen when the spring turns... well it can be seen most when my hands, my mind, my words turn. the old question remains, is there love with hate, warmth without cold, weakness without strength.
ill open the door, both of them, let the air flow, purity.
/blizzard |
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| the jury voted ney on the insanity plea |
[Feb. 19th, 2005|12:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Cursive - The ugly organ | ] |
so im sorry... mr. journ journ.... i miss you i swear, but im not taking drugs anymore and things have slowed down... real freaking slow...
yesterday the sky spiraled, i knew it would be a strange day when the moon had not set. I was given further indications when the birds were like a hundred knives dashing down hard to the cemetary's ground. The air spoke to me, and told me i needed to leave, or rather i needed to return. I answered its call and laid beneath the fir. The blue above me turned black, then blue, then black, then blue, and the greens and browns swirled like a scope of a natural fun house. My eyes were virginized then carefully deflowered, over and over again... then one final time the virgin eyes were raped visciously. I stood up as the roots were shed and the earth was cast away. When i left where i returned to the sky turned grey and horrible, and the thundering clouds rolled through with criminal intent. The worst i could do was was stand beside my car and watch, and when i realized this was the one, that great uniting force... when all incredible seperate enities were forced to become one conglomerate on big company to tear us into to nothing and leave us with little to nothing. So i boarded my car and took off... i would let this happen to me... there was still one place to go. over that immense river, they couldnt get me there. So as the rains poured mixed with hail and lightning i reached that bridge... as my steed climbed i saw the sky from a new angle,from this vantage point, i knew it was over. And quickyl as that i totally missed the car crash in front of me and i slammed my brakes to stop the mess from escalating,spun the wheel, and thru it in reverse, narrowly missing the two cars. I continued down the bridge in reverse and parked her next to the haven. It stood small on the first clearing on the :safe: side of the bridge... there were some familiar faces and some strange ones, and as i looked at the back of the cars lined up i noticed all the license plates were empty... had the process happened already, did we stand no chance? |
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| when i woke the vultures were circling |
[Feb. 5th, 2005|10:27 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | my computer fan | ] |
so ken powers got fired for plagerizing peter king, so i think bill simmons should be fired for copying me...
heres a question for ya... have you ever battled a guy who uses throwing knives? well last night i had too. but before that lets get to why im pissed. two nights ago i get sent to this warehouse to pick up a job package... this isnt much differant from the norm so i head over, and there is an other (which sound like "a nother") guy waiting there, again normal. so he busts out his gun, black with a silencer... when i see silencer no matter what i get the fuck out. reasoning,,, you see a guy pull out a gun with a silencer you know he does this for a living, and when you do this for a living you never pull out you gun to intimidate, you pull it out to use it, trust me. so he starts shooting which sucks cuz i cant hear them leave his gun so i cant tell if he is moving around. the worst part of this whole thing is that i forgot my freaking gun in my car (im obviously bad at this) so i had no means of fighting back... gun>nogun
anywho, i gotta outta there and came to find out he was my competition for the job, which is total bullshit, but i mean me being an ass and not bringing my gun obviously makes him a better candidate...
soooooo i did get a job again, in fact the next night because they felt bad... so i get this guy who had a puch full of throwing knives... hehe... let me tell you, man this was funny, he made it through about hmmmmm one knife before his body was FULL of bullets... you dont throw knives at me ok, i dodge bullets man... any way ti took the knives for a prize and got the eff outta the desert (which sucks this time of year) and made it home on the red eye... |
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| my head feels like its gonna fall off, a welcome change |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|10:36 pm] |
i have been feeling so strange lately... ... ... i was waiting for the cheap shot, anyway, houston, this rapper or something ripped his eye out, like a madman, these are things i wish i was strong enough to do, i tried today, im sucha pussy... gawd.
anywho, i had a joke to tell, but im not gonna say it now.
(years having sex) * 4<--avg girls per year = Y / 2= Z - (guys you think she has slept with)= X
X=what you tell "her" your "number" is
Spike Tv rules |
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| fucking saying fuck a lot doesn't make me fucking cool |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|10:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | determined | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | steady silence | ] |
im off the drugs, for good now i think, its a strange feeling... this... sobriety... and its nothing like i expected, somehow i expected this to be incredible, maybe i would be totally invinsible, well im nothing like that but i have learned a few things, what if you never loved anyone or anything... what if hatred was the only thing real. hate is either just really easy, or love isn't real, anyway not saying i am above it but i can see it for what it is, the laziness has affected our emotions, if i got anymore lazy i may stop breathing, the funny thing is it isnt my fault, but i do have to take the blame for it... can anyone work with me... PLEASE! i really am begging, if anyone wants to quit this, PLEASE! help me, and i will help you, it takes work to get rid of this disease, laziness, hatred... work with me, i WILL work with you. |
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| fuck you, fuck your life, then fuck mine too |
[Feb. 1st, 2005|11:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | total fucking silence | ] |
this is the new evolution, neo-evolution, and im getting sick from its growing pains, nausea settles so comfortably it creates an even worse sickness. although death could't seem further away I fear that if I am not too careful, it may catch me. So I am running like a fucking wildman, ducking in and out of stairwells... turns out my son has the only bulletproof vest left, and it is him i want to kill. well seems like its time to rent instead of buy, lease instead of own. yea, I think it is time to do exactly the opposite of what I have educated myself to do. Lets see where that gets me, since doing it my way has its glass ceiling. Orson Welles had something on me, something good too, he had ideas that dug deep inside of people. I want to dig, I want to be deep inside someone, but when im there I wont get comfortable, you see comfortability is absolute death. Sleep is just a short term death, but comfortability thats long term shit, don't start getting comfortable anytime soon. The life of a nomad is the correct one, hunting, gathering, supply the stash, then move, find an oasis, weaken it, move on.. |
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| when clever subject lines attack... |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|06:59 pm] |
so how about that blizzard, i went out driving it it, loads of fun, me, brad, scott, and brads parents got ripped for the pats game, it was funny, drunk old people, drunk young people, it was like passing the torch, the amber colored torch...
and the pats won, and all was swell in new england.
there is a sharp pain in my left ear,i think its caused by my television... its broken and emits a high frequency, and my left ear faces it all night while i sleep..... its beaming things into me...
btw johnny carson, gone... tear. or not, i guess i dont really care, people die all the time, and he was hermit for the last 10 years so, he was long forgotten... i guess this is kinda mean, but anyway he was a good entertainer.
i just hate seeing all these old tv people on all the news clips, merv griffin shoulda went first, and don rickles, ewe. |
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| "Though I'd lived I'd never been alive." |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|07:14 pm] |
im on my second beer in 5 months, and i feel tired... maybe the third will wake me up, i will find out in a the next few minutes, until then bottoms up, ellios+brad+beer=X
X=pigmy |
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| an assasination gone terribley right |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|09:15 pm] |
the collision was felt immidiately, a tossing and turning of the worst things in life, like a tsunami rolling across a virgin horizon, blood red with reflection, it crept quietly but was felt well before it hit. it may not have destroyed everything, though i wished it would have, somehow it seems better that the forest fire burned everything to start anew, than leave the scars of the old ways in a towering oak that knew the meaning of extreme resistance, somethings are rooted quite deeply, some stand so tall. but today was a disaster like no other, that word, it has such a negative connotation, disaster... its not so bad, in fact when i commited suicide today it was a perfect disaster, i saw the fluids of my life run deep into the earth, back were it belongs, like a magnectic charge it left me, like it never felt right there from the beginning... clearly this was a long time coming, sometimes we see right through things that clear, but i knew, i knew it was the end, today when i ended my life, i knew it was the best day of my existance, the last day of it, and oddly enough the worst day of it.
if awareness was as contagious as greed we would have heroes as leaders, and truth as our spoken word.
my vessel was one of entrances and exits today, that is the greatness of this world, the balance, and as one life was ended the carrier of that life was left out of balance, and just like the great rite a seed was planted, and sprouted, and new life entered the hollow recepticle, and filled it, like the vital wines of the greatest of rituals. the first person i met was a small half elf looking thing, with blue hair, and no lips... a very strange creature, but she (im guessing) was mirror, not for myself so much, but for the energy i sent her, that energy was recreated, maybe even greater, and i saw it shoot into the sky, back to mother moon, the lunar maiden, my gift was to this creature, and it was as if she added to it and packaged it for direct shipment to god of change, i thanked her, why? well she didnt even put her name on the package, she didnt mind either, i could tell. its funny the word lunar, is the base for words like lunatic, and lunacy. anyway i just wanted to tell you my friend that today my suicide was a huge sucess. |
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